Sultans

Ever done something stupid? Stupid only in result, but fantastic in the moment. I have. In fact, the most recent example occurred last Friday night out in Paris, Ontario. Matty invited me to join an annual golf tourney with his boys. I was keen.

We were to golf on Friday, have dinner back at the rented mansion, play the odd hand of poker, engage in a couple of night cap cocktails and retire early like distinguished gentleman.

By 10am on Friday everything was going to plan. Matty and I were pretty pleased with ourselves for waking up and making the 2hr drive out to Paris with plenty of time to spare before the scheduled tee times. We walked in the front door of the large estate situated on the 9th green and found a group of men already worse for wear. Apparently, the little bulls pulled out a few more stops the night prior and were just rousing. I sipped my Tim Hortons coffee and ate Doritos while the group pulled it together and told stories of the previous night. A few were in visible physical pain. One was icing a sprained inner knee. Another claimed to have cracked ribs. Not sure anyone believed him, until he started coughing, wheezing & tearing up in agonizing pain. The boys laughed their way to conviction. Sultans had already claimed two victims and the golf hadn't even started. The tone was being established.

By noon we had made our 11am tee time. Coffees and gatorades offered minimal salvation. I plugged in my ipod to the portable speakers. Biggie's '10 Crack Commandments' while the rules were being explained. Rural Alberta Advantage for the first few holes. At least we had some music to disrupt the awkward silence of focus. This wasn't the day to show weakness. Weakness to the cold, weakness to a hangover or weakness to a ribbing. Today, a steely resolve of 'go fuck yourself' was vital.

By 5pm the last foursome - reduced to a stellar twosome of B.Joel & Curry - putted home. Surprisingly, the round of Golf had only taken a couple of prisoners. One, had an absolutely impressive breakdown, a total failure to remain impervious. The Sultan's third tally.

I'm often impressed how quickly a group of guys can retreat to nap time. Heads down and driven, they'll avoid any eye contact with all friends who may question their direction and start agitating unnecessarily. By 5:30 the house was a ghost town. MLB playoffs were on the big screen and once again, I found myself eating Doritos. Yet this time, M.Brady offered a science lesson by lighting a Cheetos cheese snack on fire. If you've never tried, I suggest you do. An impressive fire starter should one find themselves stranded in the forest.

I was trying to get support for a side trip to Kitchener/Waterloo for their Octoberfest, which is apparently the largest in North America. I did manage to locate a couple of vans and drivers willing to drive the 20 of us, but thank the baby jesus we stayed put in the Mansion.

Dinner was served around 7pm. Juicy steaks, a heap of side salads and a case of fine Argentinian wines. By this point we were all getting back on track, yet once the plates were cleared the wheels came right back off.

The danger started once that first beer was accidentally spilt on the tiled kitchen floor. A slippery liability of fun. How could you not want to slide across in your tennis shoes? Better yet, on your chest like a penguin. Too hard to resist the Slip'n'Slide. For the sake of us all, I wish I did. My out of the blue 4th slide came following a fastball strike by CC Sabathia to close out the 6th inning. How could you not be fired up! Add some more beer to the floor, get a running start from across the dinning room, jump, land and let'er rip! I slid all the way to the far wall and knocked myself right through it. Despite knowing the pain this would cost my bank account, I found it tough not to immediately laugh. My shoulder just body checked a giant hole in a rented mansion. Check that off the list.

The wheels didn't get put back on until I lay down to sleep in the early morning. All good healthy fun. I awoke to Matty's voice walking upstairs and I quickly got out of bed, put my jeans and shirt back on, grabbed a gatorade and waited in the car. The owners were just pulling up on their golf cart to see us off for our 11am check-out and to ensure there had been no damage. It was time to leave. Sultans was over for another year.

Again, thanks for the invite. Thanks for all the heart to hearts. Very much appreciated. Until next time gents. Stay healthy & keep your heads up.